A Love Letter to Duality.

Lately, the internet’s been asking if having a boyfriend is embarrassing. Vogue wrote about it, TikTok debated it, and I-someone who’s been with the same amazing man for years- found myself half laughing, half spiraling.

Because honestly? I get it.

When I say “my boyfriend” out loud, I can feel that weird cultural cringe ripple through the air. It’s not about him- he’s my best friend, my soft place to land, my biggest hype man. It’s about what people assume when you lead with that label.

The questions start:

“What does he do?

“Is he coming?”

“Does he like your work?”

And suddenly, my life, my goals, my growth, my fire, gets filtered through his existence. Like I become the opening act for his story.

I love being in a partnership. But I also love being a whole person. And those two truths can exist at the same time.

We’re shifting as a society to recognize that there’s more to a woman than her relationship status.

Vogue’s Chanté Joseph unpacks the modern cringe around publicly loving your man. For decades, women were rewarded for centering their lives (and feeds) around their partners. Now, that’s flipped: women hide their boyfriends’ faces, soft-launch relationships, or avoid posting them at all.

Why? Partly superstition (evil eye, breakup fears) and partly rebellion. We’re pushing back against “Boyfriend Land,” where being coupled was once the ultimate flex. Now, being single is seen as aspirational, even political. Joseph argues this shift reflects how women are reclaiming identity and independence.

But here is what I have to say:

Love isn’t embarrassing. But the idea that a woman’s value depends on it absolutely is.

When I was debriefing with my friends - all in long-term relationships - they said, “I already post things people think are embarrassing, so why would posting my man be any different?”

And they’re right. I post on my Instagram story almost daily - usually political stuff. Some might call it cringey, but at the end of the day, it’s my platform, and I’ll use it however I see fit. I lose a few followers here and there, but that’s fine. My page isn’t about playing it safe it’s about being seen.

It’s tricky being a woman who’s both deeply in love and deeply independent. It sometimes feels like I’m walking a fine line between duality and individualism. Because so much of modern womanhood is about proving we’re our own main character. And yet, love, real, reciprocal, equal love—isn’t weakness. It’s expansion.

I can want to make him proud and still be proud of myself.

I can say “we” and still mean “me too.”

I can post a photo with him and not lose my identity in the caption.

The embarrassment isn’t about the relationship, it’s about what the world projects onto it. The expectation that we as women shrink when we pair up.

Maybe the real flex isn’t being unattached, it’s being unapologetically both.

Loving loudly and living boldly.

Being someone’s partner without dimming your own light.

If being “the girl with the boyfriend” means being seen as less independent, maybe we just need to rewrite what that means. Because in my story, being loved doesn’t make me smaller, it gives me more room to grow.

You can love someone deeply and still be the main character of your own story.

Never let the world confuse connection with dependence.

For her always,

Karinna