Something in the Silence

It's hard to fall asleep.

The clock mocks me, racing past midnight,

each minute a reminder that I am still awake,

still fighting a body that forgot how to rest.

I stare at the ceiling, dark and open,

and wondering if peace is a place I've ever been to,

a country my passport cannot reach.

The walls hum with silence,

my dogs' breath flowing steadily.

But I'm finding myself listening to something that isn't there.

A thought, a prayer, a reason,

anything that tells me that I am not alone tonight.

It's hard to fall asleep

when your thoughts are louder than the dark.

When the past wispers,

and tomorrow shouts.

I find myself somewhere between them,

trying to breathe quietly enough

to trick my mind into stillness.

So I lay here,

eyes open,

mind spinning,

counting not sheep,

but the one question that refuses to let me sleep.

Why am I awake?

It's hard to fall asleep,

but maybe I'm not meant to...

Maybe there is something in the silence

I'm supposed to hear.

Something in the darkness still waiting to be seen.

What if this wakefulness isn't punishment,

but a message I haven't learned to understand yet?

I hope to sleep,

not just to rest,

but to find whatever answer waits behind my eyelids.

A whisper, a reason, something that makes the stillness make sense.

Maybe when sleep finally comes,

it will bring the clarity that wakefulness could not.

For her always,

Karinna

Presentiment of Insomnia - Sergey Ignatenko